Welcome to one of life’s most embarrassing moments. I’ll take one for the team this time… here we go.
My youngest daughter, Mariah, must have been about 5. 5 or 6. She had lost a couple of teeth before, and the Tooth Fairy in our house was quite the generous sport. A tooth brought in anywhere from $5.00 to $10.00 depending on the circumstances. – I say generous, because I remember back to my childhood, and the going rate was a quarter…. But i digress.
As those who have read my nonsense know, I have four daughters. Mariah, as I said before is my youngest. She proudly came to show me and my wife at the time her tooth, in hand with a big jack-o-lantern grin, excited about the tooth fairy’s visit, and with her older sisters in tow, weaving a huge tale of how pretty the tooth fairy is and all of the magic that goes along with it. (An all- knowing wink in my direction at the same time.)
Well, after the showers and the customary bedtime story, (maybe even a butterfly kiss for good measure), off to bed she went, excited about the nights events yet to play out. The elders ribbed me a little out of earshot, (“how much will this one set you back, Dad?”) A couple of tickles for that crack and I’m off to bed.
The next morning I woke up to birds chirping and a beautiful sunny day. I opened the blinds, and went down the hall to wake the kids for school.
I was met by Julie, one of the middle children, hands on hips, glaring at me. If looks could kill….
Whar’s up, Julie? I asked. “How could you”, she replied. Huh???
Next I ran into Teresa, My oldest, “I hope you’re happy”, she snarled. WTH???
Into Mariah’s bedroom I went, and there, curled up in the corner, was Mariah, crying her little eyes out. Then it hit me…. I slept through the tooth fairy, and the alarm I had set for midnight…. Oh no. I’m toast.
All three daughters standing in the doorway behind me, ready to kill me… needless to say the pressure was on.
The master went to work. I told my daughter that the Tooth Fairy always took children’s teeth, that she did indeed love Mariah, and that I’m sure there was a reasonable explanation. I said to wipe the tears, and let’s try again tonight. I’m sure that you will have all the answers in the morning.
She was satisfied with that answer, gave me a big hug, and off to school she went. I’m fairly sure I smirked at the hit squad in the doorway on the way out.
That day I got off work an hour early, I explained to the boss what had happened and that I had to make it good, and he even lectured me on what a jerk I was. I stopped at the Hallmark store, picked up some glitter, a very fancy but magical looking piece of stationary, and a special glitter pen.
I parked somewhere, and penned the world’s greatest note, using my opposite of my writing hand so she wouldn’t know it was me, placed the glitter in a custom baggie I had bought, and got ready for the night.
That evening, after tucking in Mariah, who was beyond excited to see what the tooth fairy brought, and placing her tooth gently under her pillow, and after getting stink eye from the other three, along with a lightly veiled death threat, I went to my room. I drank three cups of coffee and I waited.
At about 2:00 am I tip-toed into the bedroom and placed the package carefully under the pillow, ever so gently taking the tooth with me as I left. The stage was set for the best recovery a parent has ever made – Parents, take note of my expertise and cunning, never to be repeated again in all of parenthood.
The next morn, Mariah woke up and there was a scream. A scream of Joy! DAAAAADDD!!!! She came! She loves me!!!!
She came running into my bedroom, with the biggest ear to ear grin (sans the big hole in the center), and handed me all the stuff.
First, there was a $20.00 bill. Wow! Biggest tooth fairy take in the family history!
Next there was the prettiest glitter stuff you’ve ever seen, in a merlin-esque bag. Last, a magical note, actually signed by the tooth fairy herself!!!!!
The note started with the biggest apology ever, letting Mariah know that she got to California late, because thousands of children in China had lost a tooth the night before. Shen said that when she arrived, her sister was tossing and turning, and she was afraid she would wake up so she came back the next day.
She went on to explain that she understood how upset she was and how let down she felt, and because of that she had included some magic unicorn dust, that she had never given any other child, but when held in your hand and a wish was made… it would most certainly come true within 24 hours.
(Isn’t this the best ever? – I mean, this is pure genius).
So Mariah grabs the glitter, still in her nightgown, runs out of the front door to the middle of the driveway, grabs a handful of glitter, closes her eyes and yells “I want my room to be spotlessly cleaned!” and tosses the handful high over her head.
It floats away, Mariah struts back into the house, pushing past myself and her three sisters, gets ready and goes to school.
I immediately corralled the girls and they agreed to give Mariah’s room the best cleaning in the history of cleaning. It would be done before she got home from school. The stage was set.
When I arrived home I was greeted at the door by a very excited little girl raving about magic and pixie dust and unicorns and tooth fairies, and all of it. Mariah’s three sisters approved and gave me a nod that I was safe – this time.
As far as I was concerned this was the end of the ordeal. I was just about to sit down in my recliner, when Mariah got a brainstorm, jumped up, grabbed her glitter, ran outside and yelled “I want a pony”